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The Words

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So long time no post? I believe..

I'll write some stuff here and most of it i'm sure you wont read fully but, its being said none the less.

For a while, for a long while I have not been myself, let alone.. happy or comfortable with anything surrounding me. I force myself to smile now when I'm in front of anyone other than my partner, and it's painful when you even force a smile around some of your friends that you know you should hold dear to your heart. I'm now in University, and I live a long way away from home. Meaning I can't hide myself like I used to. I have to stand in the world and try not to break.
I have lost my motive, my drive to do something which has pushed me forwards when I was at my lowest points. Yet I think in one visit home, I realised who I was actually doing this for - who I was aiming to do something other than despise myself. Someone who could drive me to be less selfish, and love other than my partner. My nephew. My nephew has given me new life and pushed me forwards, aiming to create things for him that no aunt could dream of doing without spending the rest of their lives devoting to them. I'm going to prove to him, no matter how hard it is, no matter how long it takes. Someone who has troubles or disabilities. They can do wonderful things! I'm going to create things that can go down with history and provide him with the drive and motivation he gave me - all doing this by fun.
I am surrounded by love, yet I can not accept happy thoughts as easily as people encourage or say I should be able too. I have so many people supporting me, so many who worry about me and want to see me... Live! Live like I can be loud and proud of every single step I take, each and every day. Other than my real life friends I have had online friends there for me too, nagging me to jump back on the boat and steam a head with doing something which helped me stay me.

Thank you. Thank you for staying by my side, shouting at me, getting upset with me... Laughing with me, and loving me for every flaw and mood swing I create. Thank you for giving me time, time to heal and time to think.

This image shows how I feel, how I have felt. Each flower, each petal is you. I am surrounded in my own darkness, and you all punch your way through it. Kicking and screaming, and in some special cases - smothered in food.


Each piece now will take time, more time than I'd like to take on it, but wounds and fears are not easily over come. Yet it is happening, how ever slow it may sadly be.


Thank you.





Song :: youtu.be/B9tc9R_Y3FY
Base :: PixleBases //  Bluence
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597x869px 93.41 KB
© 2015 - 2024 kisshuislove
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PixleBases's avatar
its lovely♥